As a parent, you’re faced with so many challenges. You’re juggling work schedules, appointments, school schedules, and extracurricular activities. You’re probably not getting enough sleep and you don’t have much time for yourself. All of this can make managing your emotions more difficult. Today, we’re going to discuss why emotional regulation skills for parents is so important, how you can hone these skills for yourself, and how neurofeedback can help.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is the ability to appropriately manage your feelings, and emotions – especially during more challenging times.1 It is extremely important because it helps give kids a stable, supportive environment.2 Also, your kids learn to regulate their emotions from you. Having good emotional regulation skills is important so that you can be a model for your kids.
Why Is Emotional Regulation Skills for Parents So Important?
We always think of how we can help our kids regulate their emotions. But as a parent, it’s extremely important to regulate your own emotions. If you can’t, trying to help your kids develop these skills will be even more challenging. It’s nearly impossible to help your kids regulate themselves if you’re having difficulty with it.3 Your emotional state can even affect your kids’ emotional development.
Think about a time when you lost your cool.
How did it impact your child?
Chances are you noticed a change in your kids as well. Maybe they also became upset or angry. Maybe they shut down all lines of communication. It’s only natural for your mood and behavior to affect theirs (and vice versa).
Everyone loses their cool sometimes but if your kids can see you regulating your emotions appropriately most of the time, they will also learn this crucial life skill.
Parents with good emotional regulation skills create an environment of emotional safety for kids. Kids crave connection and if you can provide a calm, loving, safe, and supportive environment they will not only learn the best ways to express themselves, they will thrive in their development.4
Emotional regulation is also really important in your parenting because how you regulate your own emotions can influence your parenting style and how you interact with your kids.5
How Does Emotional Regulation Impact Parenting Styles?
Some studies have shown that parents who have good emotional regulation skills:5
- Tend to use more positive parenting techniques
- Are more sensitive to their kids’ needs
- Can better understand their kids’ thoughts, feelings, and emotions
- Report good connections with their kids
Being able to manage your emotions during stressful times helps you in all aspects of life, especially in parenting. Many families see long-term benefits for everyone when they develop good emotional regulation skills.
Benefits Of Emotional Regulation For Families
Families that report having good regulation skills also report:
- Less conflict (and better conflict resolution when it does occur)
- Increased understanding and empathy for one another
- Better connection and support for each other
- Family members who feel valued and respected
- Healthy communication within the family
There are a lot of benefits when the family can learn to hone their emotional regulation skills. But you might be wondering, how can you develop these skills?
Let’s talk about a few ways you can do this as a parent.
How You Can Help Regulate Your Own Emotions
Most people will need to hone their emotional regulation skills over time. You may even find that during stressful times, you regress. That’s ok and completely normal.
When you become a parent your whole life changes.You may find with new stressors in your life that you need to adjust how you’re coping with stress.
Here are some ways parents can help improve emotional regulation skills:6
- Don’t judge your thoughts and feelings: Recognize and accept your thoughts, feelings, and emotions without judgment. Often as parents, we judge ourselves for being frustrated or upset in certain situations. But we’re all human. Allowing yourself to accept what enters your mind without judgment helps you accept these thoughts, problem-solve when necessary, and find appropriate ways to deal with them.
- Learn about childhood development: Learning about child development will help you understand where your kids are developmentally. Sometimes as parents, we have high expectations of kids – sometimes higher than what they are capable of. Knowing what age-appropriate responses are is important so that you can meet them where they’re, set realistic expectations, and reduce frustration.
- Set realistic expectations for everyone: Like we mentioned above, you want to set realistic expectations. Is your 3 year old really capable of switching plans at the last minute? Are you expecting too much of your kids? The answers to these questions will depend on your specific situation and your kids’ abilities. Setting realistic expectations for everyone can reduce stress and frustration.
- Explore stress reduction techniques: Coping mechanisms will vary for everyone. Exploring different stress reduction techniques (breathing, taking a walk, stepping away for a few minutes, listening to music, talking to a friend) and knowing what works for you will help you when you’re starting to feel dysregulated. The key here is making sure whatever you’re doing is actually helping you reduce stress.
- Identify Your Support System: Who is your support system? Knowing who you can call on for help is extremely important. This can help you not have to carry all of your responsibilities on your shoulders. Knowing you can trust to help with your kids or (or other tasks) can help you manage your stress better.
How Neurofeedback Can Help
NeurOptimal® is one tool that you can use to help with emotional regulation skills. NeurOptimal® neurofeedback optimizes the brain for best performance. When the brain is optimized and works more efficiently, it’s easier to hone emotional regulation skills.
Neurofeedback is like holding a mirror up to your brain – meaning it gives your brain the information it needs to make its own adjustments.
The NeurOptimal® system detects when your brain makes a sudden shift and allows the brain to self-correct. Your brain is already trained to do this. Your brain has a feedback loop to self-correct when needed. NeurOptimal® is just tapping into this ability, allowing your brain to do the work to find optimal functioning.
Over time, your brain will automatically shift toward optimal functioning.
NeurOptimal® has been designated as a general wellness product by the FDA to help:
- Promote healthy sleep habits
- Manage stress
- Increase emotional resilience
- Improve mental acuity
- Promote relaxation
- Bring you back to the present moment
When you use NeurOptimal®, it allows the brain to be in a calmer, more relaxed state. This in itself can help improve emotional regulation and help you to take a pause before just simply reacting to something.
Want To Learn More About Neurofeedback With Other Parents?
If you’re interested in learning more about neurofeedback and how it can help your whole family, we invite you to join our free Facebook Group, Neurofeedback Moms (Dads are welcome too).
We have a great community of parents learning about neurofeedback, asking questions, and sharing their experiences.
In the group you’ll get:
- Research-based information to help you make the best decisions for your family
- Live support from experts in parenting, neurofeedback, nutrition, therapy, and neuroscience
- Two-minute tidbits where I go live and share digestible information about neurofeedback in two minutes or less
- Lifetime access to all live recordings – watch at your convenience!
- Information about funding for NeurOptimal® and any deals we offer
- Support when you need it!
Do you need more support to hone emotional regulation skills in your family?
Join us inside Neurofeedback Moms, we can’t wait to meet you!
Resources
- What Is Emotional Regulation And How Do We Do It?
- What Is Emotional Self-Regulation In Parenting?
- National Institute Of Health: Emotional Regulation In Parenting
- The Surprising Side Benefit Of Regulating Your Own Emotions
- Sage Journals: Parent Emotional Regulation
- Advanced Psychological Services: 13 Ways To Control Your Emotions And Become A Better Parent
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